Tuesday, July 17, 2012


Meaningless ... that is how everything mean now to me. Nothing, void, null, tasteless and pointless. are words that are totally meaningless, but the most true and realistic to me right now. Normally I don't openly write what I experience or feel. Normally because I was too shy or afraid of people's judgements or I felt that some things are supposed to be hidden and kept as secrets as long as I still breath. All of that, now, to me doesn't mean anything. I no longer care. Neither about myself nor about others nor even life as a whole.

Last May I experienced a severe state of depression like never before. In which I realized that life is so damn pointless and meaningless. Currently, I got over my depression and entered a new phase, I call it the "Living Dead" phase or the "3aboko koloko" phase.

Now lets think properly, and please don't judge nor get me wrong, but here are some questions that I cant find answers to:
What is the whole point of life and death? If its already known and God knows everything in advance and nothing happens without the will of God ... !? I tried to think this matter over and over again and I never figured out a realistic answer which made me conclude that the answer to this question is not known to us, no one on earth knows the real reason behind our creation. And don't tell me we are created to worship god and earth's construction and development. I do already know that, yet God doesn't need us to do either of that. So my mind tells me there is another reason, yet we don't know!

What does the world happiness mean? What is it like to be happy, or how do we measure happiness? What if you have done everything that makes you happy, you achieved all your life's amazing dreams and now you are on the top of the world ... what's next ? and what was the point of that ? You want to be appreciated and your name to be craved on the pages of history .... Why ? Why make effort in a life that is totally meaningless ? Life is so meaningless, why bother !? there is no such thing as real happiness. It's just a swift of ups and downs.
Also on the other side, there is no such thing as sadness, why feel sad for anything that is not of great matter or totally out of your hand?

Friends, family, work, obligations, responsibilities, goals, dreams, failures, rules ..... things we allowed to control our lives and makes us really miserable and extremely busy without even thinking, why are doing all of that!?

This post is not supposed to inspire you with anything, nor send a certain message or make you believe or see what I am seeing now, because I am 100% sure you won't. You will find all the answers to these questions easily and feel like I am crazy or my mind  has been corrupted or I lost faith. 

Seriously .... I don't care

All what I want now is to get out of this life as soon as possible in the best way. I can't stand being overwhelmed with what we call life ... to me this is no life. There is a life somewhere, at sometime, in a parallel universe waiting for me to live.

To me life lost it's meaning and charm. Death doesn't scare me although I am absolutely not ready to meet God now, but eventually I will met him .... in the way he wants. And that is when life will begin and things will have a true meaning. It's when I hope I may get answers to my questions.

By that I don't become wise nor think I am. In people's terms and definitions, I would be called a miserable maniac. For me, I am just lost !

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