Monday, May 14, 2012


I was sick and sleeping in my bed when one day my mother came to me with a bar of chocolate in her hand. I didn't feel like eating at all but she insisted that eating chocolate will make me feel better. Sick people just don't eat chocolate!!? But she insisted and I didn't want to argue with her. Am not really a big fan of chocolate so I decided to take just a small piece , but this bar was magical. Once the small block settled on my tongue it started melting indulging my taste buds with the most sensational taste ever. I closed my eyes and started melting in my place; I felt like I was, somehow, flying.
Suddenly I found myself back to reality falling back from sky to earth. I recognized why am back the moment I saw that the bar of chocolate no longer exists; I ate it all. Usually am no fan of chocolate, but that bar was different it was magical. I do not really know what was different about that bar, but liked it so much indeed. Day after the other and I became a chocoholic.

I eat it for breakfast after dinner and as super. I add this brand of chocolate now to everything I eat or drink. I can't imagine I day passing without eating it at least twice. I start my day with one and end it with another and checking that I have excess for the coming days. I started gaining weight, but I didn’t care. I started to have dental problems, but I didn't care. I suffered from insomnia from the excess caffeine in it and the doctors are warning me from diabetes, but I couldn't care less about it. My friends started to talk to me about my new addiction, but nothing worked for me. I was totally convinced with what they were saying, and I even tried to back off and stop eating all of these amounts of chocolates daily. There was days when I believed that I was totally recovered when there comes from nowhere a great temptation that I can do nothing about. simply I could not stop or maybe I didn’t want to stop. I always had that hope that everything will be just fine. I even kept searching the web for articles stating the benefits of the chocolates and even became wiling to take the risk for the sake of enjoying these benefits. The back draws of this new addiction over weights it's benefits but I enjoyed it.

It's so weird how stupid we might be sometimes. We know what's wrong and what's right, however we keep insisting on doing what's wrong, but for the sake of what??? Is it because we enjoy the excitement in doing the wrong thing??or is it that stupid thing they call HOPE. The hope that makes us believe that nothing is impossible and that we can do anything even if it's wrong and believing that with some sort of miracle we won't suffer from it's consequences. Al of that is sweet but when we are on the right track and not when we have lost our way. For me, all the time I keep convincing myself that nothing bad will happen I eve started losing interest in chocolate I already had much of it. Maybe now it's time to start recovering what I corrupted. I started going regularly to a dentist for my teeth, as for the gain in weight, diet won't be enough in my case so I decided to fast for a couple of..weeks :D. This was not easy by any means, specially when you suddenly find that the entire globe is against you; like some sort of conspiracy. I open the TV to find mesmerizing ads about different chocolates. I walk in the streets that is full of shops selling chocolates, milk with chocolate flavor, ice cream with same freaking flavor, ads about chocolates, and people eating chocolates. OMG I HATE CHOCOLATE :@. I went to a cafĂ© to chill a bit and forget all what I have just seen. I took the menu ad checked the fizzy drinks to avoid seeing any choco-related thingie and to my misfortune I found coca with CHOCOLATE FLAVOR. Finally I decided to have chocolate mousse. I looked to my plate ad kept admiring it, I feel so weak ad vulnerable in front of that brown sugary beauty. I asked it; why do I love you so much that and risking my whole life and health?? Why can't I be like ordinary people, those who love you but not addictively?? Do I really love you that much in the first place??? Coz am starting to doubt that or am just hiding behind my addiction. I enjoy my time eating you coz you make me lose track of time. You make me fly high and dive deep. I forget all about everyday's problems when I am drinking the cold sweet chocolate ice cream. I feel happier and warm when I am holding my hot chocolate cup in my freezing fingers . I really didn’t want to become an addict but some things just happen.

Some friends recommended me to try new stuff and some said WHY NOT RY COFFEE both are brown and both are beans!!? I was not convinced deep down but I tried I didn’t want to be passive and surrender so easily like that. I never liked coffee, but weirdly I started to get used to it. The problem was that I liked the coffee as I tried to hard to convince myself that it's just like the chocolate. Not because of its color nor that it's beans too, but the caffeine in it really helped I even added lots of sugar to make it sweet. I started adding milk and I even tried to make ice cream from it. My acts were rather shocking when I began realizing that I liked the coffee coz it reminded me of the chocolate. So I said why am I troubling myself like that!!? I AM A CHOCOHOLIC and that’s it. I am not proud of that, but it's a fact and not an achievement to be proud nor ashamed of. What could happen??what ever god has for me I will simply see.

To this day I still don’t know if chocolate is good or bad?? I know it's bad but I believe it's good and I want it to be good.

No comments: